A Norwegian Folk Wedding
	I DO'S AND I DON'TS: Planning a Sensible Wedding
Home Why A Traditional Folk Wedding? Preparation Celebration FAQS: Frequently Asked Questions Acknowledgements	by Don Harting Reproduced with permission from the Nov/Dec 2000 Lutheran Brotherhood Bond™ Magazine. Copyright 2000, 2001, Lutheran Brotherhood and Meredith Corp. Whether you want an alternative wedding, a nice celebration on a budget or a grand party, remember to emphasize what's important: the couple, the relationship. the family and faith. Many modern-day weddings ring up a price tag of $20,000 or more but fall far short of the whole point: Focusing on the relationship. "Too many people are so preoccupied with things when it comes to weddings," says Carolyn Schrock-Shenk. "I'm so glad we chose the other route." The Alternative Wedding Here are some ideas from The Alternative Wedding Book on ways to create a wedding that reflects your values, but doesn't break your bank account. Flowers. Collect them from the gardens of friends and family or pick wildflowers from a nearby field. One couple loaded the bridal party into cars, took them to a local farmer's market and let each person select flowers they liked. In place of flowers, some couples create a festive mood with balloons or banners that hold special meaning. For a simple, reverent mood, use candles. One couple planned an outdoor wedding on a particularly beautiful and serene location at a golf course. Rings. Rings don't have to be made of gold or diamonds. Some couples have a jeweler design rings from a family heirloom or create one-of-a-kind rings that incorporate meaningful symbols. Rehearsal dinner. Instead of a formal sit-down affair, consider a very informal barbecue the night before the wedding. It gives families a more relaxed atmosphere in which they can get to know each other better. Food. The number of alternatives is limited only by your imagination. A potluck or a picnic are two good alternatives. A huge assortment of finger food will save you money over a big catered dinner. One couple asked a small group of close friends to plan, prepare and contribute the food for the reception as their wedding gift. Invitations. Consider making your own invitations, either hand-written or typed. Adding a poem or short essay expressing your feelings about marriage is a nice touch. These can be quick-printed at a local print shop. Clothing. Some women choose to wear a handmade dress or their mother's wedding dress. Others prefer ethnic clothing to express a special feeling they have with their cultural background. A wedding doesn't have to be a fashion show. Think of it as a special ceremony to acknowledge your partnership. Make sure you are comfortable. Entertainment. Local colleges or civic groups usually have the names of good bands, musicians or DJs at reasonable prices. Be sure to offer music for all age groups. One couple had a lively square dance as its entertainment. If a casual, outdoor wedding is your choice, include games such as volleyball or croquet or go on a nature hike. Photography. If you hire a professional, expect to pay from $400 to more than $7,000, depending on the package you select. One option is to hire a professional and then have them give you the film to develop. You can have prints made as you see fit. Have family members take pictures to make sure you get shots of everyone who attends. One couple made disposable cameras available to guests and asked them to leave the film for the newlyweds to develop. Next to the guestbook, set up a video camera for guests to record messages. Gifts. Instead of accepting gifts, you might want to request that guests make a donation to a favorite charity or organization. One couple asked that instead of gifts, guests bring a favorite dish to share at a potluck reception. At one wedding, colorful plants used as table decorations were given as gifts to members of the wedding party. Carolyn and David Schrock-Shenk of Goshen, Ind., held their wedding in a park amid baskets of wildflowers. They walked down the aisle together while guests sat on blankets and lawn chairs. The reception was a picnic that featured an open microphone for people to share memories or blessings for the happy couple. Instead of a conducting a rehearsal, the Schrock family played the Shenk family in a friendly softball game that was followed by ice cream and cake. It was a wonderful way for the families to get to know each other. The whole wedding cost $600. "I can remember feeling carefree and relaxed through the whole experience," recalls Carolyn. "I also remember thinking at the time that it's not how I was supposed to feel. We put the focus on family time, people and our relationship." These days, however, the Schrock-Shenk's experience seems the exception instead of the rule. Family Stress "A wedding wipes you out, and people don't realize it," says Tony Valentine, who admits he went all out for his daughter's marriage last year in upstate New York. "It's a stress on the family." It doesn't have to be this way, insists Pastor Dale Howard of Normandale Lutheran church in Minneapolis, Minn. His basic advice to families is to keep expectations in check by holding a family meeting to talk about how much money the family can spend and what each member of the family will contribute to the celebration. "People need to figure out what's reasonable for their budget, without taking out loans," says Howard. "If talking money is causing family squabbles, then we've missed the point." For the parents of the newlyweds, he adds, "This is a family celebration for the love of their children." Eliminating the preoccupation with "stuff" is a key to turning a wedding into a meaningful celebration. We're told on TV and in advertising over and over again that the key to living the American Dream is through 'stuff,' says Gerald Iversen, national coordinator of Alternatives for Simple Living, a faith-based organization. "But the truth is, you won't find the meaning of life through 'stuff,' you will find it through relationships_within ourselves, with other people, with nature, with God." Iversen and others point out that if you look at anything you pay for at a wedding, you probably can find an option that costs a lot less and won't detract from the celebration. Like food, for example. Some people who get married have a potluck where everybody brings something; it becomes a community event. Ruth Sylte and her husband emphasized community, heritage and stewardship at their three-day wedding in 1999. They asked that in lieu of gifts their guests consider donating to the anniversary fund of the couple's congregation, Grace Lutheran in Palo Alto, Calif., to Lutheran World Relief, Bread for the World or the Hardanger Fiddle Association of America. They also asked their guests to bring a dish to the potluck reception that reflected their heritage, and come dressed reflecting their culture. Sylte, an international educator, has a passion for her own Norwegian heritage and an appreciation of all the world's cultures. She wore a Norwegian folk costume, her husband a Scottish kilt, and guests wore costumes from Europe, the Near East, Africa and the Americas. Norwegian hardanger fiddlers and Scottish bagpipers traded off playing the processional and recessional marches leading all the guests the one-half mile to and from the church. Because the couple are avid folkdancers, dances were held all three days. Guests were invited to the church reception hall the night before the wedding to help decorate the room, and a dance followed. Another dance followed the wedding, and again after the Sunday morning service, to which the wedding guests were also invited. The Grand Wedding If a big-budget wedding is in your future, here are some ways to cope with the cost: Start Investing Early. If you're figuring on paying for your daughters wedding some day, it's never too early to find a good mutual fund_even if she's still playing with dolls. Use the Uniform Gifts/Transfers to Minors Act. This state law enables parents to set up a custodial account for their children that provides favorable income tax treatment. Tighten Your Belt. During the engagement period, postpone major outlays such as a vacation, a new car or redecorating your home. Borrow If You Must. Finance professionals advise against borrowing, but as a practical matter, weddings often catch parents short. One relatively painless way is to borrow against the cash value of your traditional or universal life insurance policy and pay it back monthly over a period of years. (Loans reduce death benefits and could reduce any dividend payable.) Avoid These If You Can: You'll pay high interest rates on an unsecured personal loan from a bank. Likewise for payments charged to your credit card. While it may sound tempting to pay a lower interest rate by taking out a home equity loan, think it over carefully. "We wanted to make this our little village for the weekend," Sylte said. "We sent out homemade invitations, but we made it very clear, especially to the Scandinavian community in the Bay Area and also to our church, that anyone was welcome. Guests told us they had never been to a wedding that was as welcoming and warm and community-oriented. And because of the slow pace and the way we set it up, I got to enjoy every moment of the wedding." Plan Carefully If you do decide that you must have a big-budget wedding, be sure to plan carefully. It's also a good idea to begin saving long before the big event becomes a reality. "I don't know of any clients who have actually saved for a wedding," says Kyle Mumpton, a Lutheran Brotherhood district representative in Liverpool, N.Y. "Parents in a panic will call me and ask: 'Where can we get the money?'" Caterers, reception halls and florists require cash up front, so Mumpton helps these clients find the least painful way to finance the arrangements. This past summer, Douglas Thompson, a Lutheran Brotherhood district representative in Belmond, Ia., provided dinner and entertainment at a country club for his daughter's 300 guests. Nobody showed up to turn water into wine for free, so Thompson had to pay cash. Fortunately, he had been investing for more than 30 years in a Lutheran Brotherhood mutual fund. "There is something about the romanticizing of a wedding that belies the reality of it," says Carolyn Schrock-Shenk. "In the long haul, to make a marriage work, it's hard work. The focus has to be on something other than the glow and elaborate trappings of a wedding. The focus has to be on the relationship." For more information about alternative weddings, contact Alternatives for Simple Living, 5312 Morningside Ave., P.O. Box 2857, Sioux City, Ia. 51106-0857. Or visit their Web site at www.SimpleLiving.org or send e-mail to:Alternatives@SimpleLiving.org

Wednesday, 23-Jul-2008 20:14:33 EDT

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